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Invisible Dragon was Invisible Dragon Because He was Invisible Dragon  by Admiral Fartmore Book Assigner’s Note (Peartree): I wonder if ol’ Invisible D. could best Squirrel Girl… I doubt it. This week we are covering something a little different: the tale of Invisible Dragon, a disastrously-written “webnovel” that appeared on a semi-anonymous Korean message board around 2002. It is one of the 7 Forbidden Texts in Korea’s online community: a collection fantasy and fan fic tripe so shit it’s disrespectful to even mention them by name. Posted over the course of several days in the form of simple but barely comprehensible messages, Invisible Dragon tellsRead More →

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Not Bad for an Ape  by Admiral Fartmore Book Assigner’s Note (Dewey Booklover): In addition to being a television personality and totally legit author, Snooki is technically a professional wrestler.  She appeared on WWE on two separate occasions, which earned her a prestigious Slammy in 2011 (accepted via satellite). What kind of story appears in your mind when you hear the title Gorilla Beach? For me, it suggests a classic adventure to unknown lands, a tale of mystery and ambition. Something like the ill-fated 1995 film Congo, which wove a tragic narrative including individual greed, man’s hubris, betrayal, Tim Curry as a “Romanian”, and of course, gorillasRead More →

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My Mama Always Used to Say, ‘LIFE IS LIKE AN AN ETERNAL BATTLE AGAINST JERKING OFF ALL THE TIME’  (2/10)  by Admiral Fartmore (book assigned by Beau Dashington) Editor’s note: Tugging feels nice. I went abroad for work a few weeks ago, and to help me keep faithful to my gal while away, Beau Dashington was kind enough to lend his copy of “Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time” by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, a conservative Christian anti-masturbation guide. I actually quite admire Beau for his determination and work ethic, even if he can be aRead More →

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A Christmas Special  (4/10)  by Admiral Fartmore (book found by Admiral Fartmore) Admiral’s note: Beau edited this, but forgot to make a note because he was too busy slaughtering and feasting on a goat. That’s not a joke. Merry Christmas. Sometimes people say that those who can’t do, teach. I don’t know how true the sentiment is, but people say it. My mom said it, at least – but then again, my childhood was filled with lies. Whatever. For the sake of me starting this review, let’s assume it’s true. Those who can’t do, teach. Now, does some variation apply to romance authors? Do those thatRead More →

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Bumfuck Nowhere  (3/10)  by Admiral Fartmore (book assigned by Beau Dashington) Editor’s note: Alas! How wretched is I, Beau the horse, whose Bestial Pleasures have render’d him odious to the rest of his Fellow Creatures… I doth fucked up my review of Tintin and  I am just simil’r to the Spanish Inquisition and the Fascists, and I shall hath no more sodom’y. Blast! How I doth love the sodom’y. The turn of the eighteenth century was an exciting period in European history. It was the Age of Enlightenment, the golden age of piracy, and the period in which every country worth its salt (or pepper, or sugar, or slaves) fought tooth-and-nail for distant overseas possessions.Read More →

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Chuck Tingle Pounded In The Butt By Ordinal Rating Scales/10 by Admiral Fartmore (Reviewed by Popular Demand) Editor’s note: Chuck Tingle was gracious enough to review “The Berenstain Bears: Life With Papa” for us a few weeks back and we have greatly enjoyed collaborating with him otherwise. Please feel free to visit www.chucktingle.com if you are interested in purchasing any of his unique works. We wish him all the best with his handsome son Jon and hope Barbara’s ghost leaves him alone soon.   Chuck Tingle writes bizarre erotica. A whole lot of bizarre erotica. His topics range from sci-fi – “Space Raptor Butt Invasion” –Read More →