by Chuck Tingle
(book assigned by Admiral Fartmore)
Editor’s Note: This may come as a shock to you, but we get a lot of requests to review the many works of Chuck Tingle, author of such hits as “Pounded by President Bigfoot,” “My Billionaire Triceratops Craves Gay Ass,” and “Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt.” As such, we will be doing a comprehensive review of a few of his books next week.
We also reached out to Dr. Tingle and asked if he would be interested in doing a guest review on our site. He agreed. Knowing that he is a proud single father, we selected “The Berenstain Bears: Life With Papa” for him. The following is his unedited review.
BURNSTIEN BEARS BOOK REPORT
by dr. chuck tingle
thanks had a good time learning about what its like to be real bears in a burning house. first things first, these bears ARE HOT. really liked to follow there story when mama bear when out of town probably to eat a guy and the family is left on there lonesome.
starts off really good then theyre talking about how bears am made (i found that very interesting and learned a lot i thought bears just came out of the woods. who knew? even doctors can learn about REAL BEARS). Then mama bear leaves and the two son bears and dad think, hmmmm how can we party?
this is classic buckaroo story in a nutshell. one time when my son name of Jon left town I had a really big time part with chocolate milk and even though nobody came it was a real good expirence for all men. lesson is, sometimes when you feel like its time to party you really just need a nap and thats okay. eventuallly son name of Jon came home and he looked VERY CUTE after his vacation so it was all worth it. He probably was working out on a beach I dont know but his claves where amazing. my son also has a nice smile and a winning personality that would make any guy want to hang out late and maybe kick the can around out back you know GUY STUFF. (like CHANNING TATUM would do)
anyway son bears in this story have winning smiles too. when big time dad tries to grill up some pancakes on the BVQ they start to think “oh its okay that moms not around we are safe with dad” made me think of my sweet wife barbara trapped of a frozen lake. is it okay that shes gone the anwser is NO but maybe sons and dads can still hang out like a couple of hunky friends and play games still. moms just trapped at the bottom of the lake forever but son jon and dad can still have fun. sometimes she comes and stands by the bed at night and i wake up and hear her sounds like marbles grinding in her mouth it makes me feel like a scared man. when sweet barbara moans in the cloeset in the hallway its also a sad day.
best part is when mom comes home and finds out that the bears ate everything in the house but they are still very happy to be family i wish so bad that barbara would come back sometimes i just sit and stare at the door and just hope shed come home oh god sweet barbara i can still see yourbeautiful face looking up at me from beneath the ice calling out in th edarjk and the cold oh my god what have i dont to deserve this why god did you take my sweet angel
dr. chuck tingle